Something you told me and I never forgot

If you read my Facebook, have known me since I was 17 or are part of my life then it's no secret that I had a 7 year battle with drugs and alcohol. After 7 years, a car accident would change my life forever. This is not a post about how that accident changed my life. I have posted many things about that. This post is about how the gift of recovery has made me realize that there are no accidental meetings or happenings. Everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our life or removes them for a reason. Some we might never understand in this mortal lifetime and some are quite clear. 

Part of my recovery took me to the rooms of NA. I have met a lot of amazing people along the way. Some of these people have become my family and I care for them deeply. This post is not about them either. This post is about a chance meeting at a pancake breakfast that changed my life forever. 

I heard the words of a young speaker. She was early in her recovery. Less than 90 days. She talked about her experience, hope, and strength. I could relate to her struggle. The feelings that no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much I changed, it was never good enough. Certain people could always find flaws in what I did. I tried very hard to be perfect. To make all the right choices. To be the best person. My biggest competition, myself. It pushed people away from me. People either felt like they couldn't live up to my expectations or felt like I was phony. Honestly, I felt mighty and faked a lot so their feelings were justified. I lied to make myself look better or avoid confrontation. That is actually a character defect I still work on. Honesty. 

The end of this girls speech, her last sentence, has stuck with me. It's been Mantra and has helped me be honest with myself and others. It has helped me grow and is a reminder of how God's love for me is. I can't remember this girls name, I loaned the audio of her speech to someone and forgot and never heard the message again. But the line that keeps me afloat is "I am perfectly imperfect and I am perfectly ok with that"